Sorry Not Sorry

There is a fundamental tension in being Asian and American. And it’s revealing itself during these tumultuous times when incidents of racial hatred — spurred by the former Bully-In-Chief — are being directed at Asian-Americans.

Asian cultures preach obedience. Americans declare independence.

Asians bow their heads. Americans throw theirs back.

Asians practice decorum. Americans rabble-rouse.

The Asian-American is the ultimate hybrid of these two cultures, but stands at an unstable point of equilibrium. In our polarized world, it is hard to be a centrist, politically, culturally and ethnically.

As Asian-Americans, how are we to act when threatened? Take the high road? Be meek and mild? Embrace victimhood and ask for empathy? Recruit allies?

Also, how bad is it? Murders are bad. How bad are looks? Taunts? Faces? Names? Is our fear overblown? Are our feelings valid? Does anyone care?

If you’re an Asian-American, in all likelihood, you’ll find yourself this week in a bit of an inchoate state, in a purgatory of emotions.

Perhaps you are a little scared, annoyed, confused and sad. Maybe you’re drawing on past experiences, squinting at past injustices, trying to gauge the right level of outrage. To do or not to do? To post or not to post? To complain or not? To be an activist, an archivist or a pacifist? Brow beat or chest thump? Blow the whistle or swallow it?

To this I answer: lean into your American-ness. It’s your turn at the podium. Quiet will not do. Rise up uncharacteristically. Make noise. Take space. Push for indivisibility; reject invisibility. Raise your hand. Stir your voice.

Passivity is no safe hiding place. I know it’s not natural for you to draw the light on yourself, but you’re going to have to step into it. You’ll have to demand the microphone.

You’ll have to say to our brothers and sisters in this nation of immigrants, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people of all races must be treated with respect and dignity.” If others would quell this spirit, well, quite frankly, then maybe they are the ones who don’t belong.

Brash? Check. Out of character? Check. Is this the new Asian-American? Might as well start now.

Yeah, you read the title. Get used to it.